I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize
