Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
