Cold hands, warm shart.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
