Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
