I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
