I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
