He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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