I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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