I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
