I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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