Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
