just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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