The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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