Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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