I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
