My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
My cat gives me a boner
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
