I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
