Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
and you fell through a lawn chair
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
