Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
