I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
