Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
My vagina is officially offended.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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