Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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