oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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