Having a random hookup so left but love u
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
