allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
