Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
