I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
