just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
