So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
