the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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