We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
