you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
