How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize