You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
