he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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