You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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