proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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