I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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