Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Randomize
