I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
