Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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