I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
