Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
So much rum. So many feels.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
