remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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