You made me cry and you don't even care
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize