i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
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