Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
