you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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