i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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