Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
