I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
