it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I'm in love with you.
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
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morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
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I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.