Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.