Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that