Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...