I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.