I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"