Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
