There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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