He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
