i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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