the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
