life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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