I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
