oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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