You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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