The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
