I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
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