I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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