is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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