Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
