i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
