Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
whose ass print is on the piano?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
