Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
