i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
