I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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