I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i will never coherently bang her
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
