you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
