I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
