well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
