Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
These tits shall not be calmed
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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