You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I wear drunk well.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
