I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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