some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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