Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Randomize
