Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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