Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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