yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
