3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Two words: blizzard sex
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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