I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
