so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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