Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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