Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
