I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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