Me too!
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
