I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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