I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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